


A Competition of Cats

by TheSaltyCrocodile



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Cats, Clawing up the furniture, F/F, Fluff, Humor, catmilla
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 16:54:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7941994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSaltyCrocodile/pseuds/TheSaltyCrocodile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura is enamored with a brand new kitten. Carmilla is not pleased. The broody panther is determined to reclaim her cupcake's affections.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Competition of Cats

**Author's Note:**

> The first part of a cracktastic birthday present for my favourite girl, vampire_chunks. ♥

“Carm, guess what?” Laura bounded into their bedroom, eyes shining. Carmilla, still in bed at 4pm, barely opened her eyes.

“Don’t tell me,” she mumbled. “There’s a new class you can take in being the most hyperactive, annoyingly awake student at Silas.” She opened one eye to look quizzically at Laura. “No,” she went on, “you’re too excited for that. Pumpkin ice cream in the cafeteria?”

Laura tried to glare, but couldn’t mask her excitement. “ _No,_ Carm,” she said. “It’s even better than pumpkin ice cream!” She paused for dramatic effect, and then burst out, “We’re getting a pet!”

There was a pause, and then Carmilla sat up. “Oh, cupcake, you’d _better_ be joking.”

“It’s… it’s not forever,” Laura faltered, her face falling at Carmilla’s expression. “Just for a couple of weeks. Perry and Laf are going to France to visit Perry’s parents, and they need someone to look after Loki while they’re away.”

Carmilla snorted. “So you’re telling me those two dimwits adopt a kitten and then straight away abandon it to go on _vacation_? I knew Science Ginger didn’t have any practicality, but I would have thought The Eternal Worrier would have known better.”

“Come on, Carm,” Laura pleaded. “You know this is a last minute trip. They didn’t _plan_ for this. Besides, you’ll love Loki. And it’s _only_ for two weeks.”

She turned the full force of her pleading gaze onto Carmilla. Carmilla matched her stare for stare, but couldn’t help melting. Laura was just too cute.

“Fine,” she grumped, lying back down and pulling the covers over her head. “But _you_ are looking after him.”

She chose not to hear Laura’s squeal of delight.  


\------

The kitten moved in a week later, along with several toys, a bed, a cat tree, a scratching post, and a mountain of food. Carmilla, returning home to find her’s and Laura’s apartment cluttered with cat items, was deeply disgusted.

“Is that you, Carm?” Laura called from the bedroom. She appeared, holding a feather on a long stick. “Loki’s so cute! Come and meet him!”

Dubiously, Carmilla followed her into the bedroom, where a tiny black cat, no older than six months, was pouncing on and chewing Carmilla’s earphones. Quickly, Laura grabbed them, shooting a guilty glance at Carmilla.

“He’s very playful,” she said quickly. “Isn’t he cute?”

Carmilla watched the cat bat at something on the floor. “You didn’t say he was all black,” she said accusingly.

“Oh!” Laura’s face suddenly shone. “I didn’t realize – he’s just like you!”

“Just like…” Carmilla gasped indignantly for words. “Just like _me_? Laura, he’s a _kitten_! He probably couldn’t even kill a fly! I am a _panther_. Do you even _know_ how many people I’ve maimed and killed in my panther form?”

Laura looked a little squicked. “I’m not sure I want to,” she said. Suddenly she gasped. “I’m supposed to have fed him by now! Carm, watch him while I get his food!”

She whirled away to the kitchen. Carmilla, left alone with the cat, stared down at him. “Let’s get one thing straight,” she said to him. Loki looked up at her, seemingly listening. “I am a panther. I am not like you. _I_ am the dominant one here.”

Loki began to purr.

“Well, good,” Carmilla said, feeling bizarrely as though she had sorted that out.  


\------

Laura took strongly to their new pet. Carmilla did not.

Loki, for his part, attached himself to Laura, mainly choosing to ignore Carmilla. It suited Carmilla fine – until it didn’t.  

By the first night, Loki was sleeping in their bed.

“Absolutely not,” Carmilla growled when she walked into the bedroom to find Loki curled up next to Laura on the yellow pillow. “That’s what we have this ridiculous contraption for.” She gestured at the overstuffed cat bed LaFontaine and Perry had left them that Carmilla herself had set up in the corner of the bedroom.

“He doesn’t like it.” Laura had turned her pleading eyes back on. Loki himself looked at Carmilla with much the same expression. “Please, Carm? Just for tonight. So he doesn’t get scared on his first night here.”

Carmilla glared. She got into bed, awkwardly arranging herself around the cat, who was now in prime position between Carmilla and Laura.

“ _Only_ for tonight,” she said firmly.

Loki purred.  
  
  
\------

She awoke in the morning to find Loki sleeping peacefully on Laura’s chest. Laura, already awake, looked enraptured.

“Isn’t he cute?” she whispered, taking care not to disturb the cat. “He’s been here all night!”

An absurd wave of jealousy rose up in Carmilla. “The cat has had his head on your breasts all night?” she asked.

Laura giggled softly, trying not to move. “He’s just a cat, Carm. And I think it’s _adorable_.”

“Whatever,” Carmilla said, flipping onto her other side. She tried to ignore the feeling that the cat was watching her.

  
\------

   
The next few days saw her frustrations increase. Laura seemed to want nothing more than to play endlessly with their new kitten. She spent countless hours teasing Loki with feathers, or rolling balls for him to chase, delighting when he pounced. She spent much more time preparing Loki’s food than she ever had with hers or Carmilla’s, and she would barely leave the house for fear of Loki getting “lonely”.

Carmilla tried to get some attention from Laura, and utterly failed. “I can’t, Carm!” Laura kept saying. “Loki needs me!”

Even when Carmilla convinced Laura to watch a movie with her, the darned cat joined them on the couch, curled up in Laura’s lap. Consequently, Laura spent most of the movie remarking on how cute he was, and paying no attention either to the movie, or to Carmilla.

Most irritatingly, was Laura’s refusal to engage in any kind of extra-curricular activity with Carmilla. “What if we crush him?” was Laura’s fear when they were in bed, and even when Carmilla tried to seduce her in other parts of the apartment, Laura would fret about Loki seeing them.

“Are you serious, cupcake?” Carmilla demanded, utterly frustrated. “He’s a _kitten_ , not a child! Besides, you let him follow you into the _bathroom_! How is this any different?”

Laura glared, and that was the end of Carmilla’s efforts.

She couldn’t stand this cat anymore.

Laura, however, seemed to think every single thing Loki did was incredible. She couldn’t stop telling Carmilla how adorable he was, even finding it cute when he climbed the curtains, scratched the furniture, and woke them up during the night.

Late one night close to the end of Loki’s stay, Carmilla found Laura at the desk, trying to edit a paper for class. Loki sat on the desk in front of her. Instead of moving him away, Laura was reaching awkwardly around him, peering over him to see the screen.

Carmilla snapped.

“Just move the damn cat out of the way,” she said sharply. “ _Why_ are you letting him walk all over you?”

Laura stared. “I’m not letting him walk all over me. I don’t mind it. I think it’s adorable.”

“Of course you do,” Carmilla almost spat. “You think _everything_ he does is adorable.”

“He’s a cat, Carm!” Laura said. “Everything he does _is_ adorable.” She huffed and stood up. “And just because you’re jealous that I’m paying a little attention to something other than you, does not mean you get to mistreat our pet!” Glaring at Carmilla, she stalked over to the bedroom. “I’m going to bed. Don’t join me anytime soon.”

She slammed the door behind her. Carmilla glared at Loki, who looked back so innocently she could swear it was a trick. “Thank you,” Carmilla said to him, “for ruining my relationship. _Why_ she thinks you’re “so adorable” is completely beyond me.”

Laura suddenly came back out of the bedroom. “He’s coming with me,” she said, picking up Loki and giving Carmilla a challenging stare.

Carmilla gave Laura her best disinterested look, and didn’t watch as Laura and Loki disappeared back into the bedroom.

Sulking, she sank onto the couch, and tried to read. It didn’t work. Her irritation with Laura and the stupid cat was overwhelming. Why was Laura being so ridiculous with him?

Suddenly, she paused, remembering Laura’s words. “ _He’s a cat, Carm! Everything he does is adorable!”_

Fine, Carmilla thought. If Laura wanted a cat, she would _get_ a cat.

Quickly stripping off her clothes, Carmilla shifted her form. Now sleek and black, she crossed the room soundlessly. She pushed open the door with her head, padding towards the bed in the already dark room.

Suddenly there was a hiss, and a yowl, and Loki jumped off of Laura’s chest, streaking towards his bed and hiding underneath.

“Ow!” Laura cried out, his claws having raked her as he fled. She switched on the lamp, and stared at Carmilla. “What are you doing?” she demanded. “You scared him!”

Carmilla jumped gracefully onto the bed, without even sparing a look at Loki, who was shivering under the cat bed. She used her paw to push Laura back to a lying down position, and then climbed on top of her.

Or tried to, anyway.

With the first paw she laid on Laura, Laura cried out. “Carm, get off!” she said. “You’re too heavy – ow – that hurts!”

Carmilla retreated a step, standing beside Laura. Laura tried to sit up, only to get pushed back down by a paw. Carmilla began to turn in circles as she’d seen Loki do. After a minute, she laid down, putting her head on Laura’s chest.

She waited for Laura to exclaim at how cute she was being.

“Carmilla, stop it!” Laura said instead. “You’ve frightened poor Loki half to death!”

Shoving Carmilla’s head off of her, she got out of bed, and picked up the shivering kitten. “It’s alright, Loki,” she crooned to him. “Big bad Carmilla’s not going to hurt you.” She glared at Carmilla. “Get back in your human form. And I meant it, you know! Don’t join me for a while!”

Hurt, Carmilla got off the bed, and slunk out of the room. Back out in the living room, she shifted back into her human form.

The experiment had been a failure. But Carmilla wasn’t done.

  
\------

The next day, Laura begrudgingly allowed Carmilla to watch Loki while she went to class. Carmilla assured her over and over that she would be nice. The second Laura was out the door, Carmilla transformed into a panther.

Once again, Loki yowled, and hid. But this time, Carmilla paid attention. She poked her nose under the chair he was hiding underneath, and picked up the tiny cat in her mouth. He froze. She dropped him on the floor, and began to wash him. For a while, he stayed frozen. But Carmilla was patient. She curled up him with him, the way his mother would have, from time to time continuing to wash him. She showed him she was no danger. After a while, he began to relax, and even to play with her.

If Carmilla could have smiled, she would have. With Loki’s fear no longer a problem, she would show Laura that she could be a cuter cat than this pipsqueak.

  
\------

When Laura got home, Carmilla was waiting for her in panther form. She gasped when she saw her, looking frantically around for Loki. When she saw him relaxed on the couch, she stared.

“What have you done?” she asked the panther.

Carmilla rubbed her cheek on Laura. Laura reached down to pet her absent-mindedly. Inwardly, Carmilla celebrated.

Then Laura pulled something out of her bag. “I got this for Loki!” she told the panther, showing her a robot mouse. “I want to see if he likes it.”

And, walking away from Carmilla, she threw the mouse to Loki.

Carmilla huffed in disgust. Loki leapt from his position on the couch, chasing the mouse.

 _Okay,_ thought Carmilla. _Two can play at that game._

Crouching down, she wriggled, getting ready to pounce. As Loki and the mouse neared her, she sprang, grabbing the robot in her jaws.

It broke.

“ _Carmilla!”_ Laura sounded upset. “That was expensive!”

Guiltily, Carmilla laid the crushed toy down on the floor. She had forgotten her own strength. Whining, she tried to push her head against Laura, seeking forgiveness.

“Don’t, Carmilla,” Laura said, and sighed. “I’m going to go shower.”

As she disappeared into the bathroom, Carmilla sat down on the floor. Loki was giving her a look that told her plainly that he was unimpressed with the fate of his new toy.

Carmilla mentally shrugged. She didn’t give a flying banana what the kitten thought of her. She did, however, care what the cupcake thought.

 _I’m just as cute as Loki,_ she thought rebelliously. _Laura’s going to see that whether she likes it or not._

  
\------

She resolved to stay in panther form. Laura obviously wanted a cat that did cat things. Carmilla was a cat, and she would be the most plausible cat in existence.

Loki was going down.

  
\------

When Laura found that she couldn’t convince Carmilla to change back into her human form, she shrugged.

“You’re on your own, then,” she said to Carmilla. I’m already taking care of one animal. I can’t handle two.”

She bought herself take out pizza for dinner. The smell of it made Carmilla’s stomach rumble. She sat next to Laura’s chair, reaching up to tap her repeatedly with her paw.

“ _No_.” Laura said firmly. “I’m not feeding pizza to a panther. If you want to change back, go ahead.”

Carmilla gave the smallest, most pathetic mew she could. It still came out sounding ferocious.

At least she made Laura chuckle.

  
\------

After she’d eaten, Laura sat on the couch to watch an episode of Doctor Who. Carmilla saw her chance. She leapt onto the couch and lay down ungracefully, stretching her front paws over Laura’s lap and lying her head on them. Laura didn’t protest. After a little while, she started to rub Carmilla’s head. It felt wonderful.

Reflexively, Carmilla began to knead Laura’s leg. Laura shrieked. “Ow – Carmilla! Stop!” She pulled Carmilla’s paws off her. Blood was beginning to seep through her pants.

Quickly, Carmilla tried to lick it up, hoping to heal Laura, but Laura pushed her off. “Just get off, Carm,” she said. “Go sit somewhere else.”

Stung, Carmilla jumped onto the floor. Then, feeling rebellious, she began to scratch at the fabric of the couch.

Laura actually jumped up. “No!” she cried. “Bad Carmilla! No!” And she hit Carmilla on the nose.

Whining, Carmilla retreated. She curled up in the corner, and ignored the fact that Loki immediately took her spot on Laura’s lap.

  
\------

That night, she curled up next to Laura in the bed. She lay as still and quiet as she could, hoping for Laura to compliment her. Instead, Laura complained about her breath, and told her she was too hot.

Carmilla ended up sleeping on the floor.

  
\------

She had to go out to hunt before dawn, as she hadn’t eaten in almost a day. As an afterthought, she killed a bird and brought it back, laying it in the doorway of the bedroom.

She hoped for Laura to be amused. Instead, Carmilla was woken by Laura’s shriek as she stepped on the bird on her way to the bathroom.

“Carmilla, I swear to gosh…” Laura said dangerously.

 Sighing internally, Carmilla picked up the dead bird in her mouth, and leapt out of the window.

  
\------

Undeterred, she kept trying. That afternoon when Laura was working on an assignment, Carmilla leapt lightly onto the desk, laying down on the keyboard.

Laura grumbled, and tried to shove Carmilla off. Carmilla refused to move.

“Fine,” Laura said, getting up. “If you’re going to be unreasonable, I’ll just go and do something else.”

Carmilla gave as much of a frown as she could, and jumped off the desk. Catching up to Laura, she began to wind around her ankles.

Laura fell over her.

Carmilla took a step back as Laura picked herself up off the floor, her head down. Laura said nothing, simply giving Carmilla a look and walking away.

Carmilla whined. Why wasn’t anything going right?

  
\------

She was getting desperate, and the next thing she tried was even worse than her previous attempts. Laura always thought it was cute when Loki followed her into the bathroom. Carmilla would try this herself.

She took up her position, half hidden in the corner of the bathroom when she saw Laura chugging a bottle of grape soda. Soon enough, she entered the bathroom. Carmilla stayed still and hidden long enough for Laura to sit down on the toilet, and then moved forward, watching her as Loki would.

Laura screeched.

“Carmilla! Get out! _Out!!!_ ”

She threw the handsoap at Carmilla’s head.

Carmilla fled.

  
\------

She went to hunt to clear her head. Nothing was working. Laura was enamoured with the kitten, and didn’t care about Carmilla. That was the plain truth. Carmilla was ready to give up.

When she returned, she found the apartment empty of Loki’s things. Laura was sitting on the couch. Crying.

Alarmed, Carmilla leapt at her. She nosed her all over, sniffing her, making sure nothing had happened to her. Finally satisfied, she sat back, staring at her girlfriend.

“I’m fine, Carm,” Laura said, not sounding fine at all. “Laf called. She and Perry are home early. They came and picked up Loki.”

Was that all? Carmilla heaved a sigh of relief. Then she took a look at Laura. The girl honestly looked devastated.

Carmilla sighed. She laid her head next to Laura, snuggling into her. Laura wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s big head, and sobbed.

Carmilla melted. Shifting at last into her human form, she wrapped her arms around Laura.

“I’m sorry, cupcake,” she said gently.

“Oh, Carm!” Laura clung on tighter. “It’s so good to see you like this again! I’ve missed you.”

Astonished, Carmilla drew back. “You have?” she asked. “I stayed a panther to make you like me more – just like you love Loki.”

“What?” Laura goggled at her. “ _That’s_ what that was all about?” She shook her head at Carmilla. “You’re silly, Carm. You never needed to compete with Loki! He’s a kitten, and he’s cute… but you’re my Carmilla.”

“Oh.” Carmilla felt exceptionally foolish. “Did you… did you think I was cute at all?” she asked hopefully.

Laura giggled. “You were a _panther_ trying to be a kitten!” she said. “I don’t think you know how different those two things are.” She wrapped her arms around Carmilla more tightly. “I always think you’re cute,” she admitted.

Grinning, Carmilla peppered Laura’s face with kisses. “Even now?” she teased.

“Even now,” Laura laughed.

  
\------

The next day, Carmilla returned home carrying a cardboard box and a bag. Laura eyed her curiously when she carefully brought them in.

“What have you got?” she asked in a voice of determined casualness.

Carmilla grinned, setting the box on the ground and opening it. Laura took a look and squealed.

Inside was a kitten, even tinier than Loki.

Reverently, Laura lifted the little thing up. “Is she… is she for us?” she asked.

Carmilla nodded.

Laura carefully put the kitten down, and flung herself at Carmilla.

Carmilla let Laura kiss her thoroughly, until there was a tiny meow. Laura broke away to look down at the kitten.

“Thank you, Carm,” she said quietly. “I love her.”

“I thought you might,” Carmilla grinned.

“A tabby?” Laura looked at Carmilla questioningly.

“I was _not_ buying a black one,” Carmilla said. She leaned forward to kiss Laura again. “We can’t have _too_ much competition in this place.” She held up the plastic bag she had brought in. “I got her some toys, and food.”

Laura laughed, and picked up the new kitten again. “Let’s go and play!” she said to it, reaching into the bag to find a toy. Then she turned back. “If that’s okay with Carmilla, of course,” she said to the kitten.

The kitten leaned towards Carmilla.

“Well, that’s settled.” And Laura was off, playing with the tiny cat.

Carmilla watched, as Laura became fully engaged with the kitten. Only ten minutes later, she was already regretting her choice.

She shrugged.

“Carm!” Laura sounded alarmed. “No – Carmilla – shift back! _You don’t need to be the panther anymore!_ ”

Carmilla pounced.

 


End file.
